Mental Health, Mindset Gervase Kolmos Mental Health, Mindset Gervase Kolmos

It's Not Your Job To Make Other People Happy

How often do you hold back, soften your words, or twist yourself into knots just to make sure no one gets upset? Whether it’s navigating a tough conversation with your partner, setting boundaries with your kids, or simply taking time for yourself without guilt, many of us have been conditioned to prioritize other people’s comfort over our own truth. In this episode of The Modern Phoenix, Gervase is sharing a behind-the-scenes look at a live coaching call from The Phoenix Revolution, where she explored the deeply ingrained belief that your peace depends on everyone else being okay.


If you’ve ever found yourself walking on eggshells, silencing your needs, or measuring success by how well you "land the plane" in a tough conversation, this episode is for you. You’ll hear real coaching, real breakthroughs, and a powerful shift in how we approach boundaries, self-trust, and standing in our truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

How often do you hold back, soften your words, or twist yourself into knots just to make sure no one gets upset? Whether it’s navigating a tough conversation with your partner, setting boundaries with your kids, or simply taking time for yourself without guilt, many of us have been conditioned to prioritize other people’s comfort over our own truth. In this episode of The Modern Phoenix, Gervase is sharing a behind-the-scenes look at a live coaching call from The Phoenix Revolution, where she explored the deeply ingrained belief that your peace depends on everyone else being okay.

If you’ve ever found yourself walking on eggshells, silencing your needs, or measuring success by how well you "land the plane" in a tough conversation, this episode is for you. You’ll hear real coaching, real breakthroughs, and a powerful shift in how we approach boundaries, self-trust, and standing in our truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why so many of us feel unsafe when someone is upset with us (and how to shift this pattern)

  • How placing your power outside yourself keeps you stuck in people-pleasing patterns

  • The sneaky ways perfectionism and control show up in relationships

  • What it really looks like to stand firm in your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable

  • A new way to approach difficult conversations that centers your needs, not just theirs

Tired of bending over backwards to keep the peace? Are you curious what it would feel like to burn people-pleasing patterns away and stand in your own truth, powerful and calm in the face of chaos, or other people’s expectations?

It starts with a Soul Shift:

  • The Soul Shift Intensive was created for the woman who is ready to leave behind the stories society has conditioned her to believe, and instead embrace the calm and clarity that comes with being connected to soul wisdom.

  • Check it out here:  https://www.gervasekolmos.com/the-soul-shift-intensive

Did someone mention Pleasure?

Follow Gervase

Resources:

Featured
Mindset
It's OK To Press The "Easy" Button
Mindset

What if the key to getting hard tasks done when you’re overwhelmed (or just bored!) isn’t willpower—but more pleasure? This week, Gervase shares how to work with your nervous system by infusing your daily life with pleasure and intentionality when you want to give up.

This isn’t about numbing out or pushing through. It’s about tending to yourself so you can stay in the game instead of burning out or bailing when things get tough.

Hit play now to discover:

  • The kitchen sink saga that sparked this episode, and why it’s Gervase’s North Star when it comes to her business, parenting and I getting sh*tty tasks done (aka: never-ending admin!)

  • The ONE question to ask yourself when you want to bail on a hard task so you can stay in the game without burning out

  • Why adding just 1% more pleasure can ease overwhelm, help you get the thing done, and soothe your nervous system

  • How intention anchors you when motivation is low and pressure is high

  • How to stay in the “uncomfortable middle” when you want to quit your job (and burn it all down!)

If you’re tired of grinding your way through resistance (or giving up and regretting it later) and you’d like to adopt a more joyful, soul-honoring way of being during these moments, this short and simple episode is for you.

Mindset
Marriage, Relationships
Stay or Go? Healing Relationship Patterns with Katarina Polonska
Marriage, Relationships

For this week’s podcast, I brought along a friend… high-performance relationship coach and gender dynamics social scientist, Katarina Polonska! In this episode, we discuss how to make the difficult decision of whether to stay or leave a relationship, how to navigate messy power struggles, and how to move from individualism to collaboration to build stronger, more connected relationships. Yep, we cover it all!

Watch this episode now to discover:

  • The #1 way to get clarity on whether you should stay or leave a relationship (hint: the result is win-win: you either transform the relationship or you leave and find someone who is more aligned)

  • The 6-month strategy to "clean up your side of the street" and find undeniable clarity

  • The blame game that often happens in the power struggle phase of a relationship when our wounds (aka: sneaky unaddressed demons) like to come out

  • The responsibility we have to try and understand our partner's needs and to hold them AND ours with equal importance

  • How we've moved away from being collaborative in relationships to being individualistic and believing our needs matter more than our partners

  • A mindset shift that can help you have a better relationship with your in-laws and extended family (even if you couldn't be more yin and yang!)

About Katarina Polonska:

Katarina is a high-performance relationship coach and gender dynamics social scientist who specializes in helping people make clear relationship decisions. Her expertise in attachment theory, behavioral science of attraction, and the cultural influences on relationships provides a unique framework for understanding and transforming relationship patterns.

Marriage, Relationships
Mindset, Body Intelligence
How Overfunctioning Disconnects You from Your Body and Your Life
Mindset, Body Intelligence

Does every task on your to-do list feel as equally urgent and like a threat to your survival? In this week's episode, Gervase dives deep into the pattern of over-functioning that keeps so many women stuck in perpetual stress. You'll learn why your nervous system gets locked in high alert and overdrive, even for unimportant tasks such as the laundry. And how this cycle of perpetual doing and achieving causes burnout and a never-ending sense of “psychotic urgency.”

And to help you rewire these patterns, Gervase shares practical steps such as how to reconnect to your body, slow down and create moments of calm even in the chaos of modern life.

Watch this episode now to discover:

  • The biggest indicator that you’re an over-functioner and how this “psychotic urgency” prevents you from being, enjoying and living life

  • Why your brain can't relax when it’s stuck in overfunctioning without signals from your body first (and how this creates a chicken-and-egg problem for over-functioners)

  • The real cost of constantly operating like a computer instead of honoring your HUMAN need for rhythm, rest and pleasure

  • A simple 4-step practice to interrupt the overfunctioning pattern when you feel yourself spiraling

  • The narcissistic-like belief many of us have that unknowingly depletes your energy (and how to contribute without sacrificing yourself)

  • How to create 30-second intervals throughout your day to tune into your body’s wisdom and gradually rewire your nervous system

Mindset, Body Intelligence
Read More
Mental Health, Mindset, Rebirth Gervase Kolmos Mental Health, Mindset, Rebirth Gervase Kolmos

Why Women Don't Like to Cry (And Why You Should Start)

Have you ever been told that you’re too emotional? Or do you avoid crying at all costs because you don’t want to look weak? In this week’s episode, Gervase flips this narrative upside down, offering a powerful reframe that reveals why crying is actually a profound act of healing, as well as an opportunity for connection and growth. Listen in as she breaks down the societal indoctrinations and personal barriers that make us resistant to feeling our emotions, as well as the physiological and intuitive benefits of crying, making a case for why embracing your tears is a radical and necessary practice.

Have you ever been told that you’re too emotional? Or do you avoid crying at all costs because you don’t want to look weak? In this week’s episode, Gervase flips this narrative upside down, offering a powerful reframe that reveals why crying is actually a profound act of healing, as well as an opportunity for connection and growth. Listen in as she breaks down the societal indoctrinations and personal barriers that make us resistant to feeling our emotions, as well as the physiological and intuitive benefits of crying, making a case for why embracing your tears is a radical and necessary practice.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • Why the fear of being "too emotional" is costing us authenticity

  • How patriarchy, capitalism, and even feminism condition us to suppress emotions.

  • How allowing emotions to flow can deepen our relationships and create a bridge to our intuition

  • The physiological benefits of crying, including access to soul-wisdom

  • Why creating safe, intentional spaces to feel is key to emotional health

  • How women's circles, somatic healing, and working with a trained facilitator can help you access your intuition, soul wisdom, and deeper clarity

Are you ready to stop suppressing your emotions and start accessing your inner wisdom? Start with a Soul Shift:

  • The Soul Shift Intensive was created for the woman who is ready to leave behind the stories society has conditioned her to believe, and instead embrace the calm and clarity that comes with being connected to soul wisdom.

  • Check it out here:  https://www.gervasekolmos.com/the-soul-shift-intensive

Follow Gervase

Featured
Mindset
It's OK To Press The "Easy" Button
Mindset

What if the key to getting hard tasks done when you’re overwhelmed (or just bored!) isn’t willpower—but more pleasure? This week, Gervase shares how to work with your nervous system by infusing your daily life with pleasure and intentionality when you want to give up.

This isn’t about numbing out or pushing through. It’s about tending to yourself so you can stay in the game instead of burning out or bailing when things get tough.

Hit play now to discover:

  • The kitchen sink saga that sparked this episode, and why it’s Gervase’s North Star when it comes to her business, parenting and I getting sh*tty tasks done (aka: never-ending admin!)

  • The ONE question to ask yourself when you want to bail on a hard task so you can stay in the game without burning out

  • Why adding just 1% more pleasure can ease overwhelm, help you get the thing done, and soothe your nervous system

  • How intention anchors you when motivation is low and pressure is high

  • How to stay in the “uncomfortable middle” when you want to quit your job (and burn it all down!)

If you’re tired of grinding your way through resistance (or giving up and regretting it later) and you’d like to adopt a more joyful, soul-honoring way of being during these moments, this short and simple episode is for you.

Mindset
Marriage, Relationships
Stay or Go? Healing Relationship Patterns with Katarina Polonska
Marriage, Relationships

For this week’s podcast, I brought along a friend… high-performance relationship coach and gender dynamics social scientist, Katarina Polonska! In this episode, we discuss how to make the difficult decision of whether to stay or leave a relationship, how to navigate messy power struggles, and how to move from individualism to collaboration to build stronger, more connected relationships. Yep, we cover it all!

Watch this episode now to discover:

  • The #1 way to get clarity on whether you should stay or leave a relationship (hint: the result is win-win: you either transform the relationship or you leave and find someone who is more aligned)

  • The 6-month strategy to "clean up your side of the street" and find undeniable clarity

  • The blame game that often happens in the power struggle phase of a relationship when our wounds (aka: sneaky unaddressed demons) like to come out

  • The responsibility we have to try and understand our partner's needs and to hold them AND ours with equal importance

  • How we've moved away from being collaborative in relationships to being individualistic and believing our needs matter more than our partners

  • A mindset shift that can help you have a better relationship with your in-laws and extended family (even if you couldn't be more yin and yang!)

About Katarina Polonska:

Katarina is a high-performance relationship coach and gender dynamics social scientist who specializes in helping people make clear relationship decisions. Her expertise in attachment theory, behavioral science of attraction, and the cultural influences on relationships provides a unique framework for understanding and transforming relationship patterns.

Marriage, Relationships
Mindset, Body Intelligence
How Overfunctioning Disconnects You from Your Body and Your Life
Mindset, Body Intelligence

Does every task on your to-do list feel as equally urgent and like a threat to your survival? In this week's episode, Gervase dives deep into the pattern of over-functioning that keeps so many women stuck in perpetual stress. You'll learn why your nervous system gets locked in high alert and overdrive, even for unimportant tasks such as the laundry. And how this cycle of perpetual doing and achieving causes burnout and a never-ending sense of “psychotic urgency.”

And to help you rewire these patterns, Gervase shares practical steps such as how to reconnect to your body, slow down and create moments of calm even in the chaos of modern life.

Watch this episode now to discover:

  • The biggest indicator that you’re an over-functioner and how this “psychotic urgency” prevents you from being, enjoying and living life

  • Why your brain can't relax when it’s stuck in overfunctioning without signals from your body first (and how this creates a chicken-and-egg problem for over-functioners)

  • The real cost of constantly operating like a computer instead of honoring your HUMAN need for rhythm, rest and pleasure

  • A simple 4-step practice to interrupt the overfunctioning pattern when you feel yourself spiraling

  • The narcissistic-like belief many of us have that unknowingly depletes your energy (and how to contribute without sacrificing yourself)

  • How to create 30-second intervals throughout your day to tune into your body’s wisdom and gradually rewire your nervous system

Mindset, Body Intelligence
Read More
Mental Health, Mindset, Rebirth Gervase Kolmos Mental Health, Mindset, Rebirth Gervase Kolmos

My mental health story & what therapy couldn’t “fix”

When it’s deeper than talk therapy, it needs a mind-body-soul approach. This week on the Modern Phoenix, Gervase shares insights from her mental health journey turned full-blown personal evolution. Listen in as she opens up about how transitioning from mind-based therapy to soul and body-centered practices like focalizing, somatic healing, and nervous system regulation opened new paths to healing and inner transformation. As she recounts pivotal moments that shaped her understanding of herself, she shares the profound power of trauma responses, intuition, inner child healing, and more, inviting you to look beyond conventional therapy practices and consider your own unique path to healing.

When it’s deeper than talk therapy, it needs a mind-body-soul approach. This week on the Modern Phoenix, Gervase shares insights from her mental health journey turned full-blown personal evolution. Listen in as she opens up about how transitioning from mind-based therapy to soul and body-centered practices like focalizing, somatic healing, and nervous system regulation opened new paths to healing and inner transformation. As she recounts pivotal moments that shaped her understanding of herself, she shares the profound power of trauma responses, intuition, inner child healing, and more, inviting you to look beyond conventional therapy practices and consider your own unique path to healing.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • The strengths and limitations of talk therapy that led Gervase to explore mind-body-soul healing

  • The role of somatic practices and nervous system regulation in mental health

  • What it means to understand and address trauma responses through body awareness

  • Why shifting from self-fixing to self-tending is crucial for healing

  • The importance of integrating mind, body, and soul in any healing journey

  • How to embrace the complexity of healing and look beyond conventional therapy practices

New to the idea of Mind-Body-Soul integration? Start by dropping into your body wisdom with a Somatic Soul Session:

  • For the first time ever, current, past and new clients can enjoy a 60-minute session with Gervase to set intentions for the New Year, get clear and focused when you feel stuck and overwhelmed, or address any persistent problems that keep recurring.

  • Get unstuck and tap into your body wisdom. On sale through January. Buy it now, use it any time this year: https://gervasekolmos.podia.com/f1c7c21a-5772-4222-bf65-7bac78672c33/buy 

Follow Gervase

Featured
Mindset
It's OK To Press The "Easy" Button
Mindset

What if the key to getting hard tasks done when you’re overwhelmed (or just bored!) isn’t willpower—but more pleasure? This week, Gervase shares how to work with your nervous system by infusing your daily life with pleasure and intentionality when you want to give up.

This isn’t about numbing out or pushing through. It’s about tending to yourself so you can stay in the game instead of burning out or bailing when things get tough.

Hit play now to discover:

  • The kitchen sink saga that sparked this episode, and why it’s Gervase’s North Star when it comes to her business, parenting and I getting sh*tty tasks done (aka: never-ending admin!)

  • The ONE question to ask yourself when you want to bail on a hard task so you can stay in the game without burning out

  • Why adding just 1% more pleasure can ease overwhelm, help you get the thing done, and soothe your nervous system

  • How intention anchors you when motivation is low and pressure is high

  • How to stay in the “uncomfortable middle” when you want to quit your job (and burn it all down!)

If you’re tired of grinding your way through resistance (or giving up and regretting it later) and you’d like to adopt a more joyful, soul-honoring way of being during these moments, this short and simple episode is for you.

Mindset
Marriage, Relationships
Stay or Go? Healing Relationship Patterns with Katarina Polonska
Marriage, Relationships

For this week’s podcast, I brought along a friend… high-performance relationship coach and gender dynamics social scientist, Katarina Polonska! In this episode, we discuss how to make the difficult decision of whether to stay or leave a relationship, how to navigate messy power struggles, and how to move from individualism to collaboration to build stronger, more connected relationships. Yep, we cover it all!

Watch this episode now to discover:

  • The #1 way to get clarity on whether you should stay or leave a relationship (hint: the result is win-win: you either transform the relationship or you leave and find someone who is more aligned)

  • The 6-month strategy to "clean up your side of the street" and find undeniable clarity

  • The blame game that often happens in the power struggle phase of a relationship when our wounds (aka: sneaky unaddressed demons) like to come out

  • The responsibility we have to try and understand our partner's needs and to hold them AND ours with equal importance

  • How we've moved away from being collaborative in relationships to being individualistic and believing our needs matter more than our partners

  • A mindset shift that can help you have a better relationship with your in-laws and extended family (even if you couldn't be more yin and yang!)

About Katarina Polonska:

Katarina is a high-performance relationship coach and gender dynamics social scientist who specializes in helping people make clear relationship decisions. Her expertise in attachment theory, behavioral science of attraction, and the cultural influences on relationships provides a unique framework for understanding and transforming relationship patterns.

Marriage, Relationships
Mindset, Body Intelligence
How Overfunctioning Disconnects You from Your Body and Your Life
Mindset, Body Intelligence

Does every task on your to-do list feel as equally urgent and like a threat to your survival? In this week's episode, Gervase dives deep into the pattern of over-functioning that keeps so many women stuck in perpetual stress. You'll learn why your nervous system gets locked in high alert and overdrive, even for unimportant tasks such as the laundry. And how this cycle of perpetual doing and achieving causes burnout and a never-ending sense of “psychotic urgency.”

And to help you rewire these patterns, Gervase shares practical steps such as how to reconnect to your body, slow down and create moments of calm even in the chaos of modern life.

Watch this episode now to discover:

  • The biggest indicator that you’re an over-functioner and how this “psychotic urgency” prevents you from being, enjoying and living life

  • Why your brain can't relax when it’s stuck in overfunctioning without signals from your body first (and how this creates a chicken-and-egg problem for over-functioners)

  • The real cost of constantly operating like a computer instead of honoring your HUMAN need for rhythm, rest and pleasure

  • A simple 4-step practice to interrupt the overfunctioning pattern when you feel yourself spiraling

  • The narcissistic-like belief many of us have that unknowingly depletes your energy (and how to contribute without sacrificing yourself)

  • How to create 30-second intervals throughout your day to tune into your body’s wisdom and gradually rewire your nervous system

Mindset, Body Intelligence
Read More