I Choreograph My Whole Life Around Joy
What if you planned your day around what lights you up—on purpose? In this raw solo, Gervase shares how a rooftop birthday party became a masterclass in scheduling for joy instead of obligation. From proactively blocking her calendar and rescheduling a client to delegating kid pickup and coaching a friend out of “show face” energy, she models what it looks like to let inner knowing lead. Expect grounded coaching on permission, partnership, mom‑guilt, entrepreneurship, and why your ecosystem thrives when you bloom. Feeling good isn’t frivolous—it’s functional.
Listen to this episode to discover:
How to use your calendar as a subconscious signal (“this matters”)
Why modeling aliveness is real leadership (at work and at home)
The mindset reframe for rescheduling without guilt
How to delegate life‑load (kid pickup, anyone?) so joy has space
The litmus test: feeling good feels easy when the inner work is landing
This episode is for you if:
You’re over “show face” energy and want to lead from aliveness; you’re a mom who keeps crunching joy between pickup and meetings; you’re an entrepreneur who built freedom but still plays by invisible rules; or you’re simply ready to block the joy first and let the rest of life rearrange.
Pull Quotes:
“Add it to the calendar. Tell your subconscious: this matters.”
“Leadership through aliveness beats leadership through obligation.”
“You don’t have to earn sunshine—you lean toward it.”
“You’ll know the work is working when feeling good is easy.”
Resources Mentioned:
Inner Knowing Immersion — two 90‑minute sessions + custom hypnosis (21‑day anchoring)
Nuuly clothing rental—G’s referral code: https://share.nuuly.com/gervase7
Find Andrea Serrano (birthday muse + rooftop magic) on IG: https://www.instagram.com/andreaserranocurates/
Join us:
Be part of the Phoenix community—circles, retreats, and offerings that honor endings, beginnings, and everything in between. Join to receive biweekly entries from my Phoenix Diary: https://www.gervasekolmos.com/subscribe
Work with Gervase:
1:1 coaching - learn more about it here
Inner Knowing Immersion (2× 90‑min 1:1 + custom hypnosis). Limited to two per month: The Inner Knowing Immersion
Follow Gervase
Instagram: www.instagram.com/gervasekolmos.com
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@themodernphoenix
I Choreograph My Whole Life Around Joy
Episode Full Transcript
Hi friends, welcome back to another episode of The Modern Phoenix Podcast.
If you’re new here, my name is Gervase Kolmos—inner transformation coach and all-around messy, magical human.
Today, I want to tell you a personal story. I’ve been loving this space for longer, more intimate shares—real-life moments where I take the Phoenix Path, inner knowing, and this way of womaning, and apply it to my regular, everyday life.
Because I’m not one of the rich and famous. I’m just a normal woman who believes she gets to create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
And I meet far too many women doing this in reverse. They build the life that checks all the boxes—looks a certain way, achieves the right milestones, says yes to the right obligations—even when, on the inside, it feels like a no. It feels like something’s missing.
So today, I want to tell you about a dance party.
A dance party I went to on a rooftop last week for my friend Andrea’s birthday.
Because it’s the perfect example of how easy it is for women to play small, to twist themselves into pretzels to be good, high-achieving, responsible moms—and miss out on creating a life that actually feels amazing, centered around joy.
Stay with me.
My friend Andrea Serrano—you should all follow her if you don’t already—is one of those women who embodies how good life gets to feel. She does such an intentional job of creating a life that feels like art. She curates beauty, expression, and joy so naturally that everyone around her is magnetized to it.
Finding her felt like discovering a diamond in a sea of rocks. So it’s no surprise that for her birthday, she planned a fabulous rooftop party at this gorgeous hotel in downtown Charleston—with a mystical, magical theme.
Of course, there was a dress code. She’s a stylist, so I understood the assignment: look fabulous. There would be a DJ, a hundred people, drinks, appetizers, the whole thing. And the best part—it was from 12 to 3 p.m. on a Thursday.
When I first got the invitation about a month before, I looked at it and thought, Wait… Thursday? That’s a workday. I opened my Google calendar—which, by the way, is basically my personal assistant. I don’t know how anyone does life without one—and I saw I had a client call from 12 to 1, but the rest of the day was free.
I did two things right away.
First, I added the event to my calendar and blocked off 12 to 3 p.m.
Second, when I was doing my monthly Nuuly clothing rental—by the way, if you want a discount code, DM me on Instagram—I picked a dress I’d been wanting to wear for months and added it to my Nuuly.
And that might seem small, but those two actions were everything. Because they signaled to my subconscious: This matters.
I didn’t know how I’d handle the client call yet. I hadn’t figured out kid pickup. But I created space in my life for this to matter.
A lot of women would’ve seen that invitation and thought, I’m too busy. It’s a workday. I can’t.
Or maybe, I don’t have anything to wear, and let that be the end of it.
But over the years, I’ve learned that when I invest time and intention in things that make me feel good—like planning what I’ll wear—it changes how I show up. When I feel like myself, when I feel radiant, I prioritize joy differently.
So I blocked it off, ordered the dress, and told myself, Okay, we’ll figure out the rest later.
As the event got closer, I started looking at my week. The client session was still sitting there on Thursday from 12 to 1. And I realized: if I keep that, I’ll end up rushing—getting ready after, driving there, probably showing up at 2 for a party that ends at 3.
That’s not joyful. That’s “squeezing it in.”
And I’ve outgrown squeezing joy into leftover space.
So I asked myself: What around this joy-bursting event is going to make it feel crunchy or rushed?
Two things: the client session, and kid pickup.
And this is where I see so many women stop. They don’t move the pieces. They just accept that joy has to be inconvenient.
Not this time.
I talked to my partner and said, “Hey, on this Thursday, I’ll be at Andrea’s birthday party. Can you handle kid pickup?”
He said, “Of course.” We split that load anyway.
Then I reached out to my client. I said, “Hey, this isn’t a dealbreaker, but would you be open to rescheduling? I have something that really matters to me.”
And she said yes, no hesitation. Because my clients know that when I model living from aliveness, I give them permission to do the same.
I’ve always believed: leadership through aliveness beats leadership through obligation.
When I became an entrepreneur, I noticed how much weird energy women have around scheduling—around being “responsible,” keeping commitments even when it means overriding themselves.
I tell my clients right away: if you can’t be present, reschedule. Presence matters more than performance.
It’s not about flakiness; it’s about integrity with your energy.
So, I moved the session. My client was fine. The world didn’t end.
And suddenly, there was space for joy to breathe.
The day of the party, I got ready with a friend. She looked at her phone and said, “I should really check in with my team at 3:30. Just to show face.”
And I said, “Wait—didn’t you become an entrepreneur for freedom? What if leading your team looked like modeling aliveness today? What if showing face isn’t the flex—showing life is?”
She paused and said, “Wow. Thank you for that.”
She came with me.
We drove downtown, fully in our feminine flow, blasting music, feeling fabulous. And for once, we weren’t rushing home to pick up kids or jump on meetings.
We scheduled our day around joy.
Because what’s the point of going to the party if you’re going to spend it thinking about what you “should” be doing?
We showed up. The DJ was already spinning. The rooftop glowed with sunlight. I felt that familiar aliveness flood my body.
Dance is my medicine. Always has been.
So in the middle of a conversation, I just said, “I’m needed over there,” and hit the dance floor.
And I danced my face off for two straight hours.
It felt so good. So easy. So natural.
And it hit me: This is what alignment feels like.
I’ve done so much work to align more with my inner knowing—my natural essence, my joy, my vitality—than with the conditioning that says perfection and professionalism are the prize.
Because I’ve talked to too many women to believe that’s the point.
I heard people making comments like, “Oh, Andrea threw herself her own birthday party,” or, “Isn’t that a little much?” or, “Must be nice.”
And I just smiled. Because I’ve learned that when women are truly embodied in their joy, it can trigger something in others who haven’t yet given themselves permission.
I even got a text that day from someone saying, “I couldn’t get away from work.”
And look, I’m not dismissing that reality—some people really can’t. But I also know how often that’s a story. A belief. A pattern. The ways we handcuff ourselves to responsibility, guilt, and performance so deeply that we can’t see the open door.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that being good means being joyless.
That we have to earn our aliveness.
That productivity equals worth.
But it’s a lie.
What I’m suggesting—and what this party reminded me—is that joy is not a luxury. It’s medicine.
I’ve spent years doing the work to “polish my insides,” and now I get to have both—the beautiful life on the outside and the deep, peaceful, playful joy on the inside.
Every day isn’t a rooftop dance day, but when the invitations come? I say yes now.
And I want you to say yes, too.
I know it can feel hard at first. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom with the story that you can’t take time because you don’t bring in money—hi, internalized capitalism—or a corporate leader burning the candle at both ends.
I’m saying: what if we had more women who were fully alive?
What if we made space in our calendars for pleasure, trusting that it’s not indulgent—it’s intelligent?
Because joy doesn’t just feel good. It changes things. It changes how we mother, how we lead, how we relate.
One woman at the party told me she felt guilty leaving her husband home working while she was out dancing. She said, “It just feels weird. Like he’s working and I’m playing.”
And I asked her, “Is that the marriage you want? The dynamic that brings the most connection, joy, and chemistry? Do you really believe that matching grind for grind creates intimacy?”
Because in my marriage, it’s a dance—a trust fall.
Me: “I believe I get to have a joy-filled, abundant, sexy, playful life.”
My husband: “I believe you do too.”
We give that to each other. Without guilt.
And that trust creates aliveness in our relationship.
That’s how I know the inner work is working: when feeling good feels easy. When joy feels natural. When guilt starts to dissolve.
Because when we access that space of ease, we stop overfunctioning and start embodying our power.
And guess what? It gives permission to the people around us to do the same.
That’s leadership.
Not martyrdom. Not perfection. Not showing face.
Leadership through aliveness.
That’s the medicine women are craving.
It’s what our teams, our children, our partners, our communities need most—us, alive.
I tell my kids all the time: “Go where the light is.”
Friendships, opportunities, joy—they should feel like sunshine.
And you don’t earn sunshine. You just lean toward it.
It’s the same with joy. You don’t earn it. You make small, daily choices that move you closer to your light.
Step by step, you become the most expressed, most alive version of yourself.
That’s the Phoenix path.
To do that, we have to untangle who they told us to be. Untangle the noise in our minds—the stories that tell us to check the boxes, keep up, and perform—and instead, listen for the whisper of inner knowing that says, “This. This is what feels like me.”
Because when you bloom, the whole ecosystem blooms with you.
You are part of a living, breathing network that thrives when you thrive.
And I didn’t just wake up one day with this kind of ease.
Ten years ago, I was crying in my therapist’s office every week, trying to choose between doing what looked “right” and what felt true.
After my first baby, I had to start making tiny, daily decisions toward safety, peace, and sunshine. Quitting jobs that didn’t fit. Saying yes to therapy. Saying no to guilt.
That’s where this work begins. And I promise, the momentum builds.
My clients often reach these shifts faster because they have me in their pocket—a mirror reminding them it’s possible, that it’s worth it, that their inner knowing is trustworthy.
But no matter your pace, the path is the same: you decide it’s worth it. You believe it’s possible. You make space for joy.
And the moment you do, your nervous system starts to believe you.
So if you’re listening and thinking, “That’s me—I want that ease, that aliveness, that freedom,” then let this story be your permission slip.
Because I learned it by watching my friend Andrea. And maybe now, you’ll learn it by watching me.
Who are you trying to impress by staying small?
By keeping it polished and perfect but feeling dead inside?
No one worth your life.
It won’t make your husband desire you.
It won’t make your kids feel safe.
It won’t bring your clients transformation.
The only thing that does that is when you are so fully yourself—so embodied, expressed, and connected to your own essence—that it radiates outward.
So if that’s you—if you’re ready to take this work deeper—here’s where I’m inviting you.
I’ve created something brand new called the Inner Knowing Immersion.
It’s two 90-minute one-on-one sessions with me, followed by a custom hypnosis track I craft just for you, from your energy field.
After our sessions, I block off four hours and immerse myself in your essence—your blueprint. I listen for what your soul is asking for, what your next evolution is ready to become.
Then I record a hypnosis—a kind of meditation with a goal—that you can return to again and again.
It’s powerful, intuitive, and deeply personal.
I’m only taking two of these a month because they require my full presence.
You can find all the details at gervasekolmos.com/immersion, or just DM me on Instagram.
If you have questions, email hi@gervasekolmos.com.
And please—share this episode with a woman who needs the reminder that joy is her birthright. That she doesn’t need to earn a Thursday rooftop dance party at 2 p.m.
She just needs to say yes.
I love you. I’ll see you back here in two weeks.
Ciao.