When I Don’t Know What to Do, I Return to Me
When I Don’t Know What to Do, I Return to Me is a raw solo where Gervase shares two real-life vignettes—a Zoom with a master lawyer taken from a Costco aisle and a mama-bear moment about her child’s bully—to show exactly how she moves from rumination to inner knowing. You’ll hear her NPR framework (Notice–Pause–Resource), the shift from outside eyes to inside eyes, and the embodied practice of taking your seat so your next right-for-you move becomes obvious. She also introduces The Inner Knowing Immersion: two 90‑minute sessions + a custom hypnosis track to anchor this practice for 21 days and beyond.
Listen to this episode to discover:
🧭 The NPR micro‑framework to move from spin to center
👁️🗨️ Inside eyes vs. outside eyes (and how to switch)
🪑 What it means to take your seat—even in public
🧠 How to spot self‑gaslighting and people‑pleasing
💌 Why clean energy = clean communication
🎧 How a custom hypnosis can anchor self‑trust for 21 days
This episode is for you if:
You’re looping on a decision, performing to be palatable, or afraid of getting it “wrong.” You want practical, embodied tools to choose the truest thing—at school pickup, in a boardroom, or in a Costco aisle.
Pull Quotes:
“When I don’t know what to do, I return to me.”
“Outside eyes look for rules. Inside eyes look for truth.”
“I took my seat—in a Costco aisle.”
“You’ve already won when you don’t abandon yourself.”
“Perfection is a performance. Truth is a frequency.”
Resources Mentioned:
Inner Knowing Immersion — two 90‑minute sessions + custom hypnosis (21‑day anchoring)
NPR = Notice • Pause • Resource (simple nervous-system reset)
Join us:
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Work with Gervase:
1:1 coaching - learn more about it here
The Inner Knowing Immersion is now open!
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Instagram: www.instagram.com/gervasekolmos.com
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@themodernphoenix
When I Don’t Know What to Do, I Return to Me
Episode Full Transcript
Hello friends—welcome back to The Modern Phoenix Podcast. I’m your inner transformation coach, Gervase Kolmos, and today I want to tell you…
I thought it would be helpful to create an episode where I share a couple of real-life examples—as a messy human, woman, mother, entrepreneur—that show how I use my absolute framework (my religion, honestly) of inner knowing. I apply it to micro choices and to macro choices.
Because when I notice myself ruminating, overanalyzing, fixating—“What’s the right thing to do?”—that’s my cue: return to me. Return to my center. Return to my inner knowing.
I say this all the time—on social, here on the show—but I’m realizing how helpful it is to hear practical, real-life examples of what it looks like. Who’s going to do inner work if it doesn’t apply to the outer life we’re creating?
It’s hard to remember that we’re magical, sovereign souls having a human experience when we’re forever looking outward and reacting to life. Something that helps me—and helps my clients—is giving myself (or another person) an inner experience of themselves when life feels like it’s happening to them. When things are moving fast and it’s hard to remember the magic of our existence or the well of inner wisdom inside.
There is a right-for-me path I can find when I return to my center versus trying to follow the supposed “right path” and all the rules. Most of us were conditioned to believe in the rules and be afraid of breaking them. That conditioning is confusing—we might not even know when we’re stuck in our heads or spiraling.
If you’re in a real-life situation and obsessing—“What’s the right thing? How should I respond? What do I do?”—I hope this lands right there. I hope you hear: Oh, wait—that’s my sign. I’m looking outward with my outside eyes. It’s time to use my inside eyes. Time to get quiet and connect to my inner knowing to find the next right-for-me step in this modern, messy scenario.
Because as much as I’d love to live my whole life staring at a Peruvian mountain landscape on retreat, it could not be further from that over here. I’ve been transparent: I’m recording from one corner of my house while renovations and constant disruptions happen. I often wake up feeling the onslaught of life. That’s my default overwhelm.
And still—there’s a solution. I connect to my soul. I connect to my inner knowing and ask her: Where do we go from here, today? Please center me in my life so this day feels like a living prayer—like a beautiful expression of me. When it feels like that, the circumstances matter less. You’re connected to an inner experience that feels solid and safe and has you knowing your next right move.
Before my examples—one parenting, one legal—I want you to know about something new: The Inner Knowing Immersion. If you’re thinking, This is the return to myself I’ve been looking for, this might be for you. It’s an immersion with me: two 90‑minute sessions + a custom hypnosis track. More than that, it’s a short, dedicated portal of time and attention for your thing—a circumstance, a trigger, a recurring pattern you’re ready to meet from your center.
In our space, I’m trained to work mind, body, and soul. I open a protected energetic portal; I see images, hear words, and intuit what’s needed. After session one, I block off my calendar for focused time to script and record your custom hypnosis—a tool you can listen to for 21 days (or longer) to anchor a new pattern: from outside eyes to inside eyes.
This is for the woman who wants high-touch, customized support but isn’t ready for a full package—or for the woman returning to the work after a pause. If that’s you (or someone you love), details are in the show notes.
Alright—into the meat of the episode. Example one.
Example 1: Costco, Kids… and a Master Lawyer on Zoom
I’ve been in a long lawsuit with a big company about a food poisoning incident. It’s meant years of emails, lawyers, interviews, forms… Recently we requested a special meeting with a lead attorney to make our case for compensation. They assigned me a time: 4:15 p.m. on a Tuesday—if you’re a working mom with three kids, you know… rough.
I asked to move it; they couldn’t. I accepted, put it in my Google Calendar, and moved on. Fast-forward a month: that day turned into pediatrician visits for two kids, an orthodontist run for another, multiple pickups, all the things. I grabbed two kids early, crossed town, and—because I was in mom‑brain—bundled in a dreaded Costco run.
At 4:20 p.m. I saw a missed call and a text: “Hey, Gervase, we’re waiting for you on the Zoom call.” Cue that adrenaline spike. My brain offered: Shut down. Bail. It’s too much. But I know that feeling—sometimes our body says too much when we’re simply stretching. This is the zone of tolerance I teach: the space to engage discomfort without shutting down or blowing out.
I texted back, “On my way.” I pulled the cart under a display umbrella, looked at my kids and said, “I have an important meeting I’m late for. Please don’t interrupt me.” They felt the shift and honored it. Headphones on. I entered the Zoom. Warehouse behind me. I said, “Hi, I’m so sorry I’m late—I’m here now.”
Then I did my NPR move: Notice, Pause, Resource.
Notice: racing heart, urge to over‑explain, to apologize profusely.
Pause: breathe, hand on heart, let my vision narrow to the screen.
Resource: headphones dampening noise, feet on floor, inner anchor.
The attorney asked an open-ended question: how did the incident affect you, and why do you feel compensation is warranted? I felt my brain spin, so I asked, “Give me a minute?” I closed my eyes—yes, in Costco—and asked my inner knowing: What is the truest thing I can say right now?
A word flashed: gaslighting. I opened my eyes and took my seat—no longer performing, just telling the truth. I shared how, like many women, I had an urge to gaslight myself: “It wasn’t that bad. Only one night in the hospital. I pushed through my calls. I’m fine.” And how that wasn’t true. I told the full story—the pain, the fear, the biopsy, the hospital trauma, and the cost to my body and family.
You could feel the room get quiet—even from a Costco Zoom square. When I finished, the lawyer thanked me and said my story really helped him. The call was seven minutes. I could have cried with relief. This is what we train for. Not polished or performative—just true. Whether the outcome changes or not, I’d already won because I didn’t abandon myself.
Example 2: The Bully, the Email, and the Mother I Am
The school-year transition has been bumpy for one of my kids. She came home devastated about a bully—this time about something she can’t control, connected to her health. That hits different. At dinner we supported her, asked if she was open to ideas, and helped her imagine words that would make her feel more empowered. We widened the web—calling in family energy, ancestors, the “take no sh*t” aunties—so she felt held even if she’s alone in the classroom moment.
Meanwhile, I watched my stuff surface: old stories, my identity as a “cool mom,” a strong fawn response around school systems. The next day I called a trusted friend who mirrored who I am as a mother—she didn’t tell me what to do. That reflection dropped me out of people‑pleasing straight into my gut. I knew exactly what to do.
I wrote the teacher. Fifteen minutes. Clean. Direct. No pretzels to be palatable, no over‑apologizing, no over‑explaining. Not aggressive. Not small. Just true. She replied immediately, apologized, and outlined next steps. The energy was clean because mine was clean. Again: I’d already won. I did not outsource my knowing to approval. I took my seat.
The through-line: When I don’t know what to do, I return to me. I use my inside eyes. I ask, What is the truest thing I can say or do from my seat? And then I let the resonance do its job.
Practice prompts:
Notice your tells: overthinking, ruminating, people‑pleasing.
NPR: Notice → Pause → Resource.
Ask one inner question: What is the truest thing here?
Trust the first word, image, or sensation that arrives.
Speak or act from there. Let the ripples work.
If this resonates and you want a guided portal to strengthen that muscle, the Inner Knowing Immersion details are below.
I love you. We’re doing it. This is what we train for. See you in two weeks.
—Gervase