Renovations, Motherhood & Meeting My Upper Limits on The Phoenix Spiral
What if the chaos in your life wasn’t the problem—but the pressure you pile on top of it?
In this raw and personal episode, Gervase shares the story of her unexpected home renovation, how it pushed her to the edge of her money stories and nervous system’s capacity, and the surprising lessons it taught her about money, motherhood, and meeting upper limits.
Instead of grinding harder, she discovered the power of release, metaphor, and permission—the feminine way of moving through life. Drawing from her own experiences and her work with clients, Gervase reveals how embracing the Phoenix spiral of death and rebirth can turn breakdowns into breakthroughs.
If you’ve ever felt stretched too thin, guilty for dropping the ball, or at your breaking point, this episode is your reminder that you don’t have to force your way through. There’s another way—and it begins with letting go.
Listen now to discover:
Why chaos isn’t the problem—it’s the pressure we attach to it
How nervous system capacity sets the ceiling for love, money, and abundance
The Instant Pot “pressure valve” metaphor to release tension and reclaim peace
Why dropping some of the balls you juggle is not only safe but necessary
The Phoenix spiral: why life is death & rebirth, not a straight line
How to reconnect to metaphor, archetype, and your inner world when life feels overwhelming
Permission to embrace all of you—Netflix binges, divine downloads, and everything in between
This episode is for you if:
You’re navigating a season of overwhelm and want a fresh perspective
You find yourself self-sabotaging when life or money expands
You feel like you’re always at your limit and need practical ways to soften
You crave a reminder that being human—messy, chaotic, and cyclical—is not a failure but part of the path
Work with Gervase:
Book a 90-min Soul Shift Intensive for clarity and transformation
Join Mothers Rising—a sacred circle for mothers to reset, resource and rise together
Follow Gervase
📲 Let’s hang out on IG: http://www.instagram.com/gervasekolmos
✨ Want to go deeper (and get juicy discounts)? Sign up to Gervase’s newsletter: https://www.gervasekolmos.com
Renovations, Motherhood & Meeting My Upper Limits on The Phoenix Spiral
Episode Full Transcript
Hello, my fellow Phoenixes. I am coming to you post-client session, where the word that was used at the end was this feeling of weightlessness. And something you may not know—well, obviously, if you've never had a session with me—is that I kind of tune into a client's field when I'm doing this work. And so I feel like I just left the spa because I was just in the vortex with this woman, feeling so deeply grounded and weightless at the same time. And it feels so good.
And it's also really interesting because I knew I wanted to record something for this episode you're about to listen to for a couple of reasons. One is to make sure that you know that a new program has launched today, the day that you are listening to this, which is Monday, September 8th. And I wanted to also, though, speak to—before I talk about this new program for mothers called Mothers Rising—I want to talk about how wild it is having a podcast, because this podcast episode was recorded in a very different energy than the energy I have right now. And I think that's what's so cool about podcasting. It's something I want to keep in my podcast as much as possible. Like, not always this “here's the template and here's the professional version with the rules of podcasting.” I really do want it to feel like me so that we just feel like we're together.
So I'm just naming that because the podcast that you're about to listen to today is fiery and fun and really powerful. And my podcast producer—hi, Laura—she actually reached out to me to be like, “Hey, I just want you to know that episode, this episode, is like super fire. I love the energy you created it with.” And I'm always like, are you sure? Like, I will record something in a different energy than this grounded, weightless energy and be like, I don't know, maybe that was too much. Maybe I should delete it. You know, it's like when people do a post on Instagram and it's like “felt cute, might delete.” And it's just wild.
So anyway, I'm coming to you now to record this to make sure you know about Mothers Rising. And the energy that you're about to, you know, dive into the vortex with me on this podcast was like: you're sitting with me, we're having a cup of coffee—probably more like a glass of wine—and we're talking about real life. We're talking about the mess. We're talking about the way through. We're talking about archetypes and metaphors. I'm bringing all the different ways that I relate to inner work in the real world into this podcast episode. I recorded it a couple of weeks ago when I was deep in the transition of back to school and starting home renovations. And so you're going to kind of get a peek into my real life in that energy.
And I think that's important, right? Because if I would just record podcasts all the time where I was like, “I am this enlightened Buddha coach on the hill”—first of all, that's not helpful. We don't need more people aspiring to that. We need people that can hold the complexity and the multidimensionality of being human, which is sometimes spicy and chaotic and real and, you know, that fire energy. And sometimes it's like this deep grounded, weightless, wise energy. And we get to have it all. We get to have both. And isn't that so fun? Isn't that the point? I want you to feel that here on the podcast.
So I guess that's as good a segue as any to make sure that you check out the Mothers Rising program. Because this is actually—as I'm thinking about it—part of the Mothers Rising program, because it is about bringing all of us to our lives and our motherhood and our womanhood. And I mean, if you just go to the show notes and just check out the details page for this program, I just feel like I wrote it from this place, just so tapped in and connected to why it matters and what is the point and why I am the woman to walk alongside you on the endless spirals of initiations and evolutions.
So go read the sales page. But in a nutshell, Mothers Rising is a six-week—what I call—a mother circle. I actually got that specific phrasing from Kimberly Johnson, who is one of my teachers, and I really love her work. She does a lot of circle work too. And as some of you know, I started coaching mothers like 10, 11 years ago, when I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I set up shop as a coach. I was a mom coach. Everything was about the journey and the transition and the initiation and the becoming a mother. And then my work expanded and evolved. Now I work with people who have not had children as well—can you even believe it?
But I was really feeling right before the summer like, I really want to run something for mothers. I want to gather the mothers because a lot of the women that I work with are mothers. What I find on some of my group coaching calls—or my Phoenix Revolution, my circle, my group coaching call for alumni—is that a lot of the mother stuff will come up, and we get into it there. But I also think there's something really nice about going to the same place every week for six weeks where there's both a circle of mothers who are going to talk about what it's like to be them—the real, honest range of their experience—whether it's hot, spicy chaos, or it's “oh my God, I feel so grounded and at home in myself and my mothering,” because that is medicine. To me, that’s the medicine that's actually missing a lot in this world—that ancient technology of women's circles that is not about fixing, not about being the smartest person in the room with the most information or the wisest things to say. It's about being you. It's about saying what is true, not what is “wise.” The alchemy and transformation that happens, the medicine that infuses a group of women when what is true is shared, is so much more powerful than “let me get my toolkit out and fix this thing about me, let me fix my experience, let me make myself some other way so that I can fit the group.” No—we have so much of that in our culture; some of it is unavoidable. And so that is why I created Mothers Rising.
You may remember that I initially thought this program was going to be something totally different. It was supposed to be called Whole Mother Rising. And for a lot of reasons, I postponed it because it was right after my Dallas crash. I was like, I cannot hold this space right now. This summer, I just was like, business needs to be on autopilot. But when I went back to it, it kept calling me back—don’t give up on this idea, don’t give up on this group of women—like I could feel their energy pulling at the corners of my consciousness. I realized it wasn't quite right. And when I think about mother work and who the women are that I call in—my soulmate clients, the ones I am here to support and help and guide and walk alongside—they are the ones who are looking for an initiated mother.
There’s something I bring to my work as a coach, mentor, and facilitator that is different than, say, a 30-year-old new mom. And when I was the 30-year-old new mom, I still helped a lot of women—there was a lot we wanted to talk about and go through. I think there’s room for everybody, but it's very important that as space holders we know: where is our space, actually? What's the thing we are uniquely qualified and gifted at doing? I was like, oh, of course—I am a gifted seer and space holder for the full range of life and motherhood initiations.
So I know, in my season of life, when I'm looking for mentors and space holders for me, I am looking for initiated women who are not younger and hotter. And there are also women who are like “don't lose yourself,” and, you know, there’s that Champagne Society version of me from five years ago—that was so enlivening. I was different then, not better or worse—just a different stage of my journey. The women I call in now are deep, deep-hearted, big feelers, really soulful, looking for initiated mothers to share space with and to facilitate the conversations they need to have so that they can continue on their Phoenix path and rise, rise, rise, rise, rise. You rise not once, not twice—like a million times. I mean, that’s literally what this podcast you’re about to listen to is about.
So if that is you, and you are looking for a circle of women—not to fix you, not to give you hacks—but to help you drop into your mother wisdom, help you see yourself clearly, connect, and find the “where are the women like me” feeling—the mothers who feel deeply, who want to reset and resource and rise in a mindful, true way—Mothers Rising is your place.
We start October 15th. All the links are in the show notes. It’s gervasekolmos.com/mothers-rising. I would love to have you with us. It’s $3.99, which is by far the most affordable way to work with me at the moment if you want to be live with me on a call where I'm holding space and facilitating. It's not going to be so much coaching as it is circle work. But if you know me, I’m going to show up and be there, so there will be a little coaching. Circle work just feels a little bit different. If you're feeling a little resonance, follow it, because you're going to love how it feels.
Some of the women in my world have been here for years and years. I really believe the reason they come back or stay is because of the group work, the sisterhood, the circle work—how powerful it is and how good it feels to actually move through, spiral up in your mother and life initiations in a metaphorical, supportive, not “fix me” way—using the connections and reflections like a mirror in a circle of women interested in the same journey, doing it alongside you, showing you there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re normal, and also here’s what’s possible. We always talk about one-plus-one-equals-three results in my world, in the Phoenix world. So yeah, if you're feeling that resonance, everything is in the show notes. I would love to have you join us. It will be magical. It will be a little bit of this and a little bit of what you're about to listen to next.
I think that's enough for that—for now. Okay, without further ado, here's a peek under the hood of what I was going through a few weeks back in motherhood, back-to-school season, life, relationships, summer, childcare—did I say renovations? I can't remember. If you resonate, if you like this episode, please let me know on Instagram at @gervasekolmos. Reach out. It's so nice to hear from you, to know that you're listening and things are landing or helping. I’m so grateful for your time and to have you in this circle. All right.
Hello, my friends. Welcome back to the Modern Phoenix podcast. I am your hostess, Gervase Kolmos. I’ve been thinking a lot about content creation lately, in the wake of so many changes in the coaching industry and in the world. I was listening to somebody's podcast this morning, and he was talking about having a podcast and how if our podcasts are just viral clickbait—if we're running them through a predictable assembly line like mainstream news outlets run their content—you kind of get tired of the morning news shows because you want to know what's actually happening out there. If we treat our podcast that way, which is kind of what's happening, we're losing the plot.
The whole idea of a podcast wasn't to be a huge Good Morning America platform or a talk show. It was to be one person's take—a small, grassroots movement of talking to your community about what’s real for you, what you care about; interviewing guests who aren't necessarily famous with a million followers, but who have a unique take, a point of view, a lesson—and having really interesting conversations. It's sitting with me, and I'm going to kick us off by sharing that I want today's episode to be a little more off the cuff, a little more me-to-you. Not because every episode needs to be that way, but that’s where I am today.
Whenever I sit down to record and have these conversations, I’m always thinking: what do I have to share that could enhance and offer value to somebody's day? I think about time being so precious. And I just think when you feel like you're talking to a real person, it’s nourishing. That’s what I want more of in my life. I listen to tons of content, do tons of courses—all the things, audiobooks—and I hope there are moments on the Modern Phoenix where you can come and feel like you're having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and just having a conversation with me about what it's like to actually be a woman in modern times: wearing the hats, juggling the things, caring about what you care about, and being devoted to soul living, mindfulness, being your authentic self in a world that tells you to be any other way.
So I'm coming to you today a little raw, a little less prepared, to share what's going on in this season of my life—some lessons and what's helping me. Hopefully you can take what resonates.
I'm sitting here in my dining room, which is where I’ll be recording as long as there's not construction for the next couple months. We tried to plan this huge house renovation for June and then July; it ended up starting one week before school in August. Not earth-shattering—this is caviar problems over here—but it’s been an interesting theme in my life for multiple reasons.
A) It's been very disruptive to the natural order and routine of my life as a mom and entrepreneur, and I've realized how much I value and come back to life when I have my own space—literally time alone. That's something I didn’t have any of this summer. I’m okay with that—we’ll get into my summer in a minute—but I’m setting the stage for where I am today, sitting in my dining room. Outside, I can hear them doing construction on a shed in the backyard that we are refurbishing into a “she shed,” an office for me. Meanwhile, they're not doing construction in my house today for some reason—they’re waiting for a permit or something. The bottom half of my house and half of the top half are closed off for construction. Normally the house is filled with construction workers during the day, so I can’t work or record here.
The whole renovation has been interesting because I noticed I had a lot of stories about renovations. One: “this is something rich people do.” I'm just going to put that out there—I didn’t realize I felt that way. Investing money in a renovation felt like a huge up-level, like I was at my edge financially. Also, our nervous system can only hold so much. There’s a lot of correlation between money, romance, work, family—all the things. Your baseline determines how much you can grow or bring in—how much love, abundance, or vision you can manifest—because if your nervous system freaks out and gets dysregulated and overwhelmed when you bring in more, you will self-sabotage and shut it down. It’s unconscious. And I—ding, ding, ding—have been meeting this front and center.
Backtracking: this renovation happened because a few months ago, I was working downstairs. My husband got out of the shower at 10 p.m., and I started hearing dripping in the downstairs closet. We found a leak from the upstairs bathroom into the downstairs bedroom, opened the walls, and found mold. We couldn’t use the upstairs bathroom until we fixed it. We haven't had that bathroom for a long time. But it didn't make sense to fix the upstairs without fixing the downstairs; and it didn’t make sense to fix the downstairs without redoing the whole thing because it was done in the 1960s. So it turned into this whole thing. This whole f—ing thing.
And it’s also something I really wanted—something I dreamed of. I always said, “We’ll upgrade this and that when there’s more time and money and resources.” It sped everything up—which is interesting about being human. We make plans for how long we think things will take, like we’re little robots with calculators. Meanwhile, I know people who planned a single retirement and within ten months were married with a baby. Life works in quantum-leapy, mysterious, fast-forwarding ways.
That's what happened with my house. As soon as we figured out the downstairs renovation, we realized my office wouldn't fit down there, so I’d need an office. Oh—this vision I’ve had forever of a backyard office suddenly became “we’ve got to do it—it’s now or never.” Amidst all this came my financial ceiling of what’s possible and my nervous system feeling so dysregulated, unsafe—“How do we do this?”—freaking the f out.
It would have been fantastic for everything to line up in July, but we still couldn't figure out how to have the money to do this. What’s beautiful is that when I noticed my husband and I were spiraling—we’d already started, got the plans, the architect; we knew we needed to fix the bathrooms and the shed; there was forward momentum; I could feel the timeline collapsing—and yet, in the logical, linear, practical 3D world, the money wasn’t there. So what do you do?
This is relevant for many women I work with. They feel a version of themselves they want to become—present, calm, self-accepting, relating differently to triggers or marriage—but can’t figure out how to get there, how to regulate their nervous system. We always say: the best way out is through.
In my own dysregulation and financial freakout, I had this aha: all the creative answers to my problems lie within. Put down the calculator. Stop trying to solve it in the 3D world. Go inward. That might sound cheesy, but I’m sharing how I blend inner work and real life—and it works. It f—ing works.
Around that time—early July, right after a solo trip taking my three kids to California, then a layover in Dallas to see my sister—after that whole big, awesome trip, I was done. And I was putting pressure on myself to keep up with business, post on Instagram, do all the things entrepreneurs do to make money, be visible, make sure ideal clients can find me.
When I put two and two together—there’s so much pressure in my system: pushing, forcing, stressing, controlling, fear—I realized I’m not going to miraculously come up with $100,000 from this place. I’m not going to have the summer-of-pleasure of my mommy dreams from this place. But I believe it’s possible to have the life of my dreams, and I’m willing to do the work—in the real world and inner work.
So I did inner work and focused. I noticed all the places I was holding pressure, tension, shoulds, doubt, and unrealistic expectations. Summer is when my husband travels for work—he’s a marine biologist—out to sea for 5–10 days at a time. He was gone all summer. Normally his trips get canceled—none were canceled. He was gone back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back. I felt the accumulation on my nervous system and the conditioned mind that says nothing gets to give; nothing is flexible; there are no solutions; you just have to work harder, faster, smarter. If you just did more doing and controlling and planning and prepping, you wouldn't feel so dysregulated.
Anytime I'm in this, I'm like: this is bullsh—. This is my conditioned mind telling me my journey is linear, not a spiral; that forcing, pushing, being perfect, and overdoing it will get me where I want to go—when I’m here for math that doesn’t make sense. We say in my world, in my inner-circle coaching circle: one plus one equals three. When we're out there pushing, striving, performing, playing by the rules, doing everything “right” to make money or be successful or have the summer of our dreams, we're doing one-plus-one-equals-two math. It’s hollow. It never ends up feeling as good as it looks; it isn’t as satisfying; it never ends. It’s the hamster wheel—“I just have to keep it going.”
I don’t want to live that way. I did not quit my job, have three kids, and create a business out of nothing to follow the rules. I want it to feel good, be mine, be magical and flowy. And I also want to reach my potential, take steps, do actions—be responsible to my visions, dreams, creative expression.
So I did what any well-intentioned woman would do: I noticed all the places I was holding pressure and let them go—like walking around a table of Instant Pots, hitting the release valve. Release, release, release. I gave myself full permission to release all the valves. I leaned back. I stopped clutching so tight.
I use this analogy from the book The One Thing—you’re juggling balls. Some are crystal; some are rubber. The rubber balls bounce; the crystal shatter if you drop them. I asked: what are my rubber balls? Obviously Instagram—that is such a rubber ball. My work—where can I put it on maintenance mode? Of course, I’m going to show up to client sessions and obligations. But there’s a lot I do in my work that is not that. I wish it were all just showing up for calls—it is far from that. So I dropped those balls and watched them bounce. I watched my nervous system relax. I gave myself permission to have a summer of true play and pleasure—permission to just be, to enjoy my time with my kids, to do it my way. And to trust we’d find the money for this renovation, it would work out—but I’d come up with the solution from this state of mind, this nervous system state.
What do you know—two days later I’m on the beach with my husband. I finally feel relaxed. We’re talking about the finances. Waves are splashing, kids are running. I feel grateful—we’re staying on Sullivan’s Island at my cousin’s house; it’s magical. And suddenly I saw it—I saw the whole thing in my mind of how it would work. I’m not going into the details, but I did the next steps. I made the calls. I talked to my husband. It was like we had the one-plus-one-equals-three plan. We could figure out how to make the money work.
Fast-forward: here we are. I’m pretty sure we figured out the financial piece. We’re back in the swing of school and work. Work is not in maintenance mode. Here I am recording a podcast in my house mid-renovation. The kids are at school. I have to leave in 16 minutes to pick them up—like, we back out here. And I’ve been noticing my background programming—“rich people only have renovations”—and meeting that edge with softness and curiosity.
I had a client today working on something similar. She was feeling a lot of pressure. We did some somatic work. She started smiling really big. I said, “Oh, interesting—tell me about the smiling. It feels like you brought a little lightness to your intention, a little lightness to the story we came in with.” She said, “Oh yeah—I don’t need to take it quite so seriously. It’s not life and death. It’s not such a big deal that I forgot; it’s not such a big deal that I don’t know how to do this and that you’re here reminding me. It’s just holding it all a little more lightly with a smile.” Like—whew—life is a lot sometimes. Whew—I feel this program running in the background; I am at my upper limit.
Like in The Big Leap, the book by Gay Hendricks (husband of Katie Hendricks, who was on the podcast a couple of weeks ago—you have to listen to that episode if you haven’t). That’s where I first learned, 12 years ago, the concept of upper-limiting. Noticing: this renovation, this shed, this level up in my business is me meeting my upper limits. I’m sharing this to show how—whether financially or logistically, whatever sphere of life—when you meet that upper limit, when you notice you’re at your nervous system’s capacity, the top of your tolerance zone—how do we release some pressure valves and hold it more lightly? It’s not the biggest deal if you make some mistakes or it’s a little sloppy. It’s supposed to be; it gets to be. That is what it is to be human.
Every single coaching conversation I’ve ever had is a process of holding space for all of that and reminding women: A) you have magical, intuitive wisdom within you. When you relax into your inner knowing, when you regulate, soothe, resource—there is so much wisdom inside you and so much creative flow. B) It’s supposed to look like a spiral of death and rebirth. It’s not linear.
Remembering this is the next piece I want to share. Something I’m doing so much in this season, particularly this past week, is anchoring in the metaphor and archetype of my life. As most of you know, I have three kids. My youngest went to kindergarten last week. My oldest started seventh grade and is having some big-girl initiations. Wow—the threshold of this as a mother; wow—the threshold as an entrepreneur. I started my business for freedom in motherhood 12 years ago. Here I am—they’re all out of the house; I’m building my dream office in the backyard; I’m in my dream home—it’s all happening. How do I hold this lightly? How do I remember not to put so much pressure on myself, to resource as I go?
I remember that my life is metaphor. I lean into the feminine path of the Phoenix—the spiral. I breathe into my soul expression of my life and don’t limit myself to “I am a suburban mom of three; I have to juggle dance class and karate and school drop-off, and do this and that for my business.” Because, circling back to what I started with, then I’m just like an AI bot—what is the point? I’m missing the plot. This is about inspiring your creative expression. Unlocking something in me that unlocks something in you. The woman-way, the Phoenix-spiraling way of juggling it all is unlocking full permission to be in the archetype of the Phoenix as you move through what can feel like overwhelming responsibility—life, work, motherhood, friendships, relationships, self, your body. You’ve gotta work out, eat right, sleep eight hours—the whole thing. It can feel like it’s lacking magic. Like, who f—ing cares; let me Netflix and get drunk and—f it. And if that’s where you are, that’s f—ing fine. I’ve been there recently, okay?
Also—what tends to open my heart back up, quiet the noise in my head, get me from my head back to my heart and soul’s expression—is remembering the spiraling journey of the feminine, the Phoenix. Remembering I didn’t create this life to force, push, prove, and pressure myself. I created this life to f up and live and experience and be and have the full all-of-it. Numb out on the couch with Netflix and feel like I’m channeling from the divine. I want it all—depth, connection, authenticity, vulnerability. I’m not going to get it 24/7, but I’m also not going to settle or pretend this is as good as it gets.
What helps me drop out of the noisy logical mom/entrepreneur brain and into my heart and soul is metaphor—the seasons and cycles of death and rebirth. I teach this in Inner Knowing (we created a self-guided Inner Knowing course; I took the live course content and all the value-packed trainings; you can buy it digital—I don’t know if that’s available yet, but it’s going to be soon). In there you learn how to align your life with metaphor and archetype and the spiraling Phoenix journey, so it changes the way you relate to yourself and your life—so it’s not just drudgery: wake up, make breakfast, get in the car line, go to work, punch a clock, go to the gym. Ugh—is that really what I came here for?
No. I want to feel alive, vibrant, creative, unlimited. I want to feel I’m at my edge—working it, massaging it, expanding above it. That’s what I came here to do. My guess is, if you’re listening, that’s you too—the women I call in are wildly curious, creative, wise, intuitive beings; sensitive feelers, healers; women who are done with doing and proving from the conditioned mind and want to drop into inner knowing, into soul, into a deeper, more satisfying meaning.
For me, I have to remember that constantly. I feel the older I get—I'm 41 now—the older my kids get, the longer I’m in business, the more pressure and responsibility I feel. The logistical planning alone to juggle motherhood and work sometimes will kill me. When it does, that’s okay. I give myself permission to feel my feelings fully because I know that’s part of the Phoenix spiral. Letting old limits, patterns, trauma responses—freezing, fleeing, fighting—shed is me rising into a newer, truer, freer version of myself.
Even now, with renovation outside and downstairs, and not being able to find any of my equipment for this freaking podcast—except this mic my husband put on the table—I’m doing it. It makes it exciting. It makes me feel ownership and creative power over my life. We can do it no matter what our life looks like. It doesn’t matter if I’m a stay-at-home mom or a CEO—the magic, the feminine wisdom, is inside all of us. Aligning with archetypes, seasons, our heart and soul expression—instead of the noisy mind trying to solve all the problems and attach all the trauma stories—feels good. It gets to be available to all of us.
I wanted you to hear what’s real for me right now. Every time I go through another cycle of death and rebirth and have another Phoenix moment, I want to share it. I was talking to a client today who said, “I feel so silly that you need to remind me,” even though our session was potent and powerful—release, tears, aha, remembering. I said, “Yeah—modern women got the bill that they’re supposed to be both a man and a woman—hold both feminine and masculine; be one perfect, arrived thing—and that is too much pressure for anyone.” I want my clients and community to know: I am doing this alongside you.
Another friend in my Voxer said, “I feel like I’ve been Phoenixing a really long time. I’m waiting for this to be over—this initiation.” Sometimes it be like that. Sometimes there are micro-initiations in between, inviting us into something fresher, truer, deeper—right there for us—if we mine the lessons from the hard things, feel our feelings, and know the best way out is through.
Another example: my kindergartner (my son) is doing great with kindergarten, but it’s, like, day five. Yesterday at dinner, he started getting upset, worked up and emotional, and said, “I feel like I’m not allowed to cry.” I said, “Get it out. Everybody can cry in this house.” He had a big cry, sat on my lap—the whole thing took not even five minutes. He went back to the other side of the table, gleefully laughing at his sisters. The whole vibe changed because I was like, it’s not a big deal. Your feelings don’t scare us. Your feelings are not a problem. Let’s just get through them—let them come out. It seemed like they wanted to come out. My husband said, “Man, he really did a 180. He was depressed, and now he’s sky-high.” I said, that’s what it’s like when we give ourselves permission to go through it—to feel fully without judging it or attaching our trauma story. We let the body release the story, release the trauma, release the pressure valve.
On the other side is this blissful “oh my gosh—oops, I forgot—life is amazing; I feel clear, energetically aligned; I feel love and connection.” When I was sharing that, I was like: it happens for a kindergartner, and it happens for you. It’s not so complicated—but we make it complicated because we’ve created patterns of self-sabotage and hiding from ourselves when things get rough, or protecting ourselves from vulnerability, flaws, imperfection—instead of mining the lessons. Saying yes to the next whirl around the spiral—up we go—knowing there is wisdom here. On the other side, I’ll have one-plus-one-equals-three results and solutions and ideas and connections and life—and it gets to be so much better.
This season is reminding me: chaos itself is not a problem. Living in a renovation—yeah, it’s not the best; I’ll be excited for it to be over—but that’s not the problem. It’s the pressure we put on ourselves amidst the chaos that creates explosions.
I remember leaving a crying message to a good friend last week: “I have nothing to land or anchor into. There’s no sanctuary in my house, no safe space; I’m surrounded by people; I have to go to this office all day.” I was spiraling. Thinking about it today—“I have nothing to land in, nothing to anchor into”—I’m reminded: oops—oh yeah. Yes, I do. Myself. My inner world is always where I can land, find myself, remember. It’s fertile ground for everything I want to create, even if it feels like I’m at a limit, it’s not possible, or I’m up against a wall. Every time I go through the inner-world tunnel—drop into the underworld—and allow my life to be a beautiful living metaphor, a sacred spiraling journey into the unknown, I always find solutions. I can land, get centered, get grounded.
There are so many ways I do that. This is the work I do with clients—group programs, masterminds, alumni containers, one-on-one. So many doors we can open to remember who we truly are and what’s available to us; how how-we-feel doesn’t need to be the limit if we’re dysregulated, overwhelmed, under pressure, “too much,” “too much responsibility.”
My invitation: allow it to be what it is. You don’t necessarily need to force or fix it. Give yourself permission to find the valves you need to release, to feel a bit better today—and know that sometimes it takes time. I know you think you have no time. I often think I have no time—and always, time is on my side. The capitalistic, patriarchal lie that there’s no time—it’s not true. Time expands to fill the space available (Parkinson’s law). And the more I allow my soul to lead me through time, the more I get one-plus-one-equals-three results with my time too. I fill the time I have with more potent activities instead of hamster-wheel doing/proving/overachieving to avoid uncomfortable feelings, upper limits, dysregulation, nervous-system patterns.
I hope you hear that and feel hope. I know a lot of you are going to be thinking, “How? How?” Okay—book a Soul Shift Intensive or come into any of the programs we have coming up (linked in the show notes). Mothers Rising is next up—a mother circle. We’re going very deep. It’s a beautiful container for mothers to drop into their inner worlds and rise into the Phoenix archetype.
Also, there are so many resources I offer—free resources, podcast episodes, meditations, visualizations, facilitators, community, friends, rest, play, pleasure, nature. I could go on and on. People ask me about resource all the time. I could make you an exhaustive list—and yet I could get you on a call and notice that the one resource that’s right there and you haven’t tried isn’t on the list. Not to make it seem extra hard—just to remind you there are infinite options. Your solution—to release pressure valves, show up in your modern life, get in the car line on time, submit all the things, download all the f—ing apps for extracurriculars and your kids and your teammates and your Slack channels and your speaking engagements and all the things—it’s all possible. It’s available to you.
I invite you to set the intention to land, anchor, and ground in yourself, in your inner world. Know that every hard thing brings you earth lessons, soul wisdom. Once you integrate that wisdom—once you feel that shift, clarity, spark, rising—you’re never the same. You are changing your life. You are breaking your limits. You are breaking generational cycles. This is how we go up and up and up, whirling around the Phoenix spiral. I’m so grateful to have you along for the ride.
I’ve got to go pick up my kids from school, or else I’d probably talk for another hour. So I’m going to leave it there. I love you so much. If you want to book a 90-minute one-on-one with me, the link is in the show notes. If you’re interested in Mothers Rising, the link is in the show notes. If you want to connect with me on Instagram, I would love to hear what’s real for you. If you want more content like this, find me on Instagram at @gervasekolmos and let me know. I love you so much. Thank you for spending your precious time with me. And let us phoenix together through this back-to-school time. Thank you.