I convinced myself pilates was too expensive (spoiler: it wasn’t)
Hi friend!
Did I tell you I started pilates about six months ago? Did I tell you my body SANG in relief and joy the first time I laid my two-years-broken body down on a reformer machine and followed the slow steady instructions from the teacher? It felt like ballet on my back and for too many reasons it was exactly the right next move for me.
Did I tell you that I intuitively KNEW that a reformer pilates class would be the next right medicine for my aerial hamstring injury but had been avoiding it for years because I had convinced myself that those classes would be too expensive?
Did I tell you that the fuckery of our limited, conditioned minds is never-ending!? 😂
Here’s the thing though - even after I signed up for the (very-reasonably-priced-for-the-quality) classes, my brain wasn’t done with me yet. I would drag my ass to class and then this brain of mine would focus on the boring music or how I didn’t quite like this instructor or how the class was too slow and I wanted FAST. I convinced myself I wasn’t the right fit for THIS studio. And also I was TOO ADVANCED (cringes🙈) for this studio.
And on and on went the bullshit.
Until I finally tried a different studio. The “cool” one with the cool branding I had been eyeing. I convinced myself THAT place would have more MY kind of people. Be more for oh-so-advanced dancers like myself.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING that is probably not shocking at all, because other people’s bullshit is always so much easier to spot than our own: I hated that class. I hated their old “vintage” reformers. Didn’t like the moves or flow. The girls next to me were perhaps a tad younger. Dressed very hip. Still had that extra drip of maidenhood that has you chasing, performing and pulling it off.
I left that class and had a real lightbulb situation. I would do any goddamn thing to avoid the fucking thing I needed to do that was right for me. And even after being burned hundreds of times, I was still falling for flashy branding and marketing over what felt RIGHT IN MY BODY.
Even for someone like me who savors slow mornings and doing less, my pre-programmed athlete (dancer) brain was like “FAST AND HOT AND EXPENSIVE IS BETTER.” Even though my body so clearly signaled I was home in my initial class.
That NOW, in this season of life, THIS was juuuuust right.
This is what our brains and patterns have us doing.
Looking backwards or chasing forward, but never in the goddamn present.
We convince ourselves we can’t afford things we actually can.
We convince ourselves we don’t belong or don’t have time before we even try to get to know these people or this pace.
We convince ourselves that doing the things we intuitively know to do won’t make that much of a difference.
But here’s what I’ve learned: doing the things that feel good that we resist is often THE thing that shifts the trajectory of our hard thing.
And please note there is big difference between discipline to do hard things vs allowing yourself to accept, enjoy and say yes to the edges in your life.
Our old habits and thoughts have us resisting the up levels even after we effing choose them.
My husband and I joke about my new “Pilate-y body” and even though I think I look pretty much the same, I feel stronger, more connected to my core and pelvic floor and SELF than I have EVER. Including when I was dancing 24/7 and pushing myself past my physical limits at every turn because nothing mattered as much as keeping up.
I’m fucking relieved to be rewiring my brain to give less and less shits about keeping up and going fast. Every obstacle is an invitation and opportunity for me to realign to the new neural pathways, habits and behaviors that I now, at my wise old age of 41, really see are best for me. 😜
And here’s what I know about you - you’ve got your own version of this story.
Maybe it’s not pilates. Maybe it’s the thing you keep saying yes to that drains you. Or the thing you keep saying no to that your body is begging for. Maybe it’s the retreat you’ve been thinking about for months but keep telling yourself isn’t ‘practical’ or ‘the right time’ or ‘too expensive’ even though you KNOW in your bones it’s exactly what you need.
So let me paint you a picture: You’re sitting in circle with six other women who GET IT in Tulum, Mexico six weeks from now to welcome the Spring Equinox. And for the first time in maybe years, you’re not performing or proving or keeping up. You’re just… there. Present. And your nervous system finally exhales.
There is still time to align today’s choices with the future your body and brain are begging you for. I promise you will return home recalibrated, awakened, alive and deeply trusting of and centered in your truest, wisest and most wild self.
I love you.
I love your wild heart so much <3
Gervase
PS: Hit reply with any Qs at all or you can always schedule a quick call with me to see if this retreat is a fit or if something else might be better: