I almost picked a fight last night
Hi friend!
The past week my hubby was traveling for work for a few days and tomorrow I leave to lead a retreat in Mexico for six days. And in the midst of the three kids and our work schedules, we just have not been finding ample times to connect. Though, God knows we have the best of intentions . . .
It is so infuriating to have everything you ever wanted, and yet somehow feel like you don't have any time for any of the people you built that life around!? Like your LIFE PARTNER.
So last night, I got so absolutely pissed. I was cleaning the kitchen and the middle was throwing a fit in her bedroom and the oldest is doing homework at the kitchen table and it's 9:30pm 😱 and I'm just like I WANT TO BE DONE BEING A RESPONSIBLE ADULT NOW. The hubs and I had planned to snuggle up and watch a movie together and instead our two daughters got all his attention and I was back on scullery maid duty.
Sometimes when the inevitable clusterfuck of life does this and my hubs and I have gone too long without real connection, shit goes . . .sideways.
We'll get mad at each OTHER.
We'll start fighting or blaming each other for the feeling that we lack autonomy over our lives and our lack of space to enjoy each other (if every parent reading this isn't snapping in solidarity right now ...).
In the past, I would be so angry and ready to fight someone/anyone at this point in the night, that when we got into bed, I'd pick the scab and before you know it, we were on opposite sides of the bed, fuming, triggered, and not willing to budge.
So last night, I felt the anger when we crawled into bed. I noticed the stories I was telling myself, “He didn't prioritize US tonight like we planned. He doesn't even care if we get QT.” But the whole time I also had a strong connection to the rest of me . . . the body and soul. The woman. And she was just, well, tired and slightly anxious about having only two more sleeps before she'd be sleeping alone in a luxury villa for several nights in another country without her spouse. (Old age is weird like that.)
The brain had some fight in it, but the body knew the bigger story.
I remembered I had a choice. Pick the fight. Stage a hold out. Or crawl into his arms, say less, and feel what wants to happen next.
In case anyone is interested, ya girl chose the latter, and saved herself a lot of unnecessary drama. I felt my body co-regulating to his. The connection I had been grasping for in the impossible-to-pin-down moments of our busy lives was right there in my choice for connection over conflict. And I really soaked in the seriously great thing he and I have going. Safety. Love. Care. Devotion. Messiness.
I slept like a rock last night. And even though I'm leaving my family for almost a week tomorrow, I feel super grounded and connected to me and to each of them. This is what's possible when you let your body lead you. Less blaming and arguing; more micro moments of connection.
Letting my body’s wisdom guide my choices has changed my relationship. Big time. And I've watched it gently massage the stuck fight/flight responses of countless clients.
And this is part of what will be happening for the women who join The Art of We Mastermind.
This Mastermind is for women who are tired of their relationships getting the leftovers of their energy. Women who want to learn how to choose connection over conflict, even when they’re exhausted and pissed off.
Women who are ready to stop the pattern of fighting with the person they love most when what they really need is to feel CLOSE to them.
If you want to hear another real-time example of this exact dynamic playing out (and how I navigated it), I dug up this episode from The Modern Phoenix podcast vault. It’s a perfect companion to what I just shared.
And if you’re reading this thinking ‘Holy shit, this is MY life’… The Art of We Mastermind might be exactly what you need right now.
There are only 8 spots and we start April 2nd. If this is calling to you, don’t wait. You can check out all the details below.
THE ART OF WE MASTERMIND DEETS
Love you,
Gervase